Just thinking...

Life...so full of decisions...and each decision can change EVERYthing in a matter of moments!! Ive made some good and bad decisions...some that haunt me to this day!! But the one that hurts the most...Is losing my passion for Christ. Im just being 100% honest...Ive lost it...because I thought I could help other people, when in fact, I needed the helping!! Trying to help someone who doesnt think they need help, or who doesnt want help...Is like trying to pull them up out of quick sand...they just pull you right down with them!! I have a hard time letting go! I don't like feeling like someone doesn't like me...It bothers me so much to the point where I wanna throw up...Pathetic I know...But I wish I had he out look on how God viewed me..I wish I could have the same mind set about chasing someone to God as to Chasing GOD himself! I put way to much energy in to WORLDLY things...and not NEARLY enough into God, and I NEED God, everyday, in every possible way! Because my life without God makes no sense and to be honest, it just sucks!!! I'm not a happy person and I don't ever have satisfaction!! God is my satisfaction...His love should be my main priority...but how do I get there?? How do I get him back since Ive distanced my self so far from his presents...I wouldn't give someone my love if they continued to push it away...But God is love...I just need to see that again!!...Sorry I'm just rambling...